The strange voyage of Cunningham Herbaceous

Cunningham Herbaceous lived in a vegetable marrow,
Cunningham Herbaceous wished to die in Turnip.

In the land of Vistapoolantidote there existed a vigilante group called the Gastric manipulators much famed for their song; ‘Always look on the bowel side of life.’
Cunning Herbaceous had hitched a lift with them from the, ‘Welcomebreak’ services on the M5 near Portbury Bristol, to the Allotment of Fred Harris at Nayland, on the Essex/Suffolk border.

The Gastric Manipulators took pity on Cunningham Herbaceous because he was the very first Minute Veggie Fruit and Nut being from a long forgotten race of Carthusian Dwile Flonkers, that they had ever met. Cunningham Herbaceous told them that the Marrow he had lived in for a hundred years, was no longer suitable for habitation, and that an old friend Rigorous Rigmarole, had invited him to share his house on the Nayland Turnip paradise estate.

The Gastric Manipulators had a new form of transport based on trumpet power; this was in fact the use of natural wind power produced by eating raw cabbage. Roller Skates and umbrellas were used when ‘power’ was low. The biggest problem they encountered when travelling, was the lack of African beetroot that produced a supercharged farticle, and, was absolutely necessary for uphill travel.

And so the uphill and down dale long winding road journey was undertaken, with the sound of ‘The trumpet voluntary’ always accompanying. They found their way mostly by asking strangers who couldn’t get away from them quick enough, the sale in Domestos Zero Lime scale went up a thousand fold, and Michael Jackson look a likes wearing face masks became part of the scene.

One day the Gastric Manipulator’s Commander in Chief shouted out ‘Horkesley!’ and everyone gave a round of applause and went to the toilet, this place became known ever more as, “The plane of Mess- a- Smit”.

And so the triumphal entry into Nayland began, Rigorous Rigmarole ran out to greet Cunningham and led him to the Turnip paradise estate. Cunningham said;

“ Thank God my legs, these sad out pegs, have come to Fred’s!” The Gastric Manipulator’s started a new colony near Colchester known as ‘Stanktuary’ and everyone lived happily ever after.

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