To Chant Bitterly in Colchester

Why are cucumbers shaped like bananas,
why all these endless Karmas,
why this long life rigmarole,
do I have a spirit or a soul?

Am I doing the right thing?
Why in church do I have to sing?
Why do I walk with a shuffling gait?
Has old age arrived too late?

Why do people believe newspapers,
the meathead poison rogue mind shapers?

BANG !!!!!!!

While writing this poem a UFO has arrived in the back garden, and this ugly bastard who looks like a slug on speed has told me, that I have to carry a message to the world!

The massage (Message) from Snergleweerp Surreptitious Mordant (Chief Slimenort Mordant universe outreach advisor) to Chris Pitts is as follows; “Go to the Walton on the Naze pier, find the twenty fifth floor plank decking and stand on it at 3pm, and then await the cosmic conduit to fall from the sky! ……. Just off now see you later……………


Well I went, (Just got back). I carried out the instructions to the letter, found the place that Snerglewerp had told me about and waited. Sure enough the Cosmic Conduit fell from the sky dead on time, however, before I could grab hold of it, a Chinese tourist snatched it away and then kept forever singing the chorus to Del Shannon’s ‘Runaway,’ “I Wonder, I Wah Wah Wah Wah Wonder”!

Snergleweerp came up through the pier decking like a cardboard cut out of Father Christmas, and apologized fervently and explained that the Cosmic conduit had been measured wrongly. Apparently on his planet they too have DIY shops that get it wrong sometimes, I spent sometime with him extolling the virtues of ‘Homebase’ however, he took this to mean a landing place in Bognor –Regis.

Let me see now, where was I? Oh yes, Fruit and vegetables.

3 thoughts on “To Chant Bitterly in Colchester”

  1. Dear Chris ,

    It’s Michael Arnold. I’m sorry to say my mother passed away last Friday at her home in Hadliegh at 5.30 in the morning. We have organised the Funeral to take place at Hadiegh catholic church on the 31st of August. She will be buried at withermarsh green next to Hugh. I would be very honoured if you and Nicky would like to attend.

    Yours with love and very best wishes, Michael

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