King folkup and the Balaclava kid

The press of 1959 were generous with their lies they just told them all the time, which is probably how the legend of King folkup and the Balaclava kid began. In the deserted outback of a Tinsel town slum, a discovery was made that will forever be a deep secret. Not only did it challenge the evolution theory but you could cook baked beans on it!

The miracle apparatus spoke Swahili and had a name in that language too dangerous to speak.

The Balaclava kid found it in an alcove where a graphite artist had named the place, Tonsillitis Boulevard.

As Balaclava approached he could hear a nearby toilet cleaner (Urinate Jones) Shout out, ‘I want the negative Aristotle lecture please!’

What followed was a shaking of the ground and the sound of bagpipes. A very young Bob Dylan was passing and his guitar went out of tune for a month.

A voice that emanated from the miracle Apparatus spoke: ‘I am king Folkup gladly will I comply!’ in a perfect baritone voice he sang,

If I ruled the world,

every day would be the first day of spring,
every heart would have a new song to sing,
and we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring.

If I ruled the world,

every man would be as free as a bird,
every voice would be a voice to be heard,

Take my word we would treasure each day that occurred.

My world would be a beautiful place,
where we would weave such wonderful dreams.
My world would wear a smile on its face,
like the man in the moon has when the moon beams.

If I ruled the world,

every man would say the world was his friend,
There'd be happiness that no man coud end,
No my friend, not if I ruled the world.
Every head would be held up high,

there'd be sunshine in everyone's sky,
if the day ever dawned when I ruled the world.

After this there was a power cut in Wales and Harry Secombe was rushed to hospital.

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