Tag: Humour

What Hell could be like?

Driving to my hometown, I took the turning to Devils dyke, when suddenly the Sat Nav voice said, ‘Turn left, then left again, and keep on turning left” so I did. I completely lost my way. I came to a long queue of traffic and a kind of tollgate. The man on the gate had a loud hailer and no…

Dangerous Telephone Times

I have found the transition to owning and using a mobile telephone extremely difficult and vexing. It seems self-evident to me that the design of these creatures is purposefully carried out by an enemy of the human race. I will try to explain by describing what has happened to me recently. I have found the new touch screen mobiles almost…

We need more Idiots

(Written on a train) Nicey nicey, logic precisely, taught by deceivers, career believers, join the system it will do you good, just do this you know you should! Make sure you pay the toll, before you open your cake hole, “Have a nice day!” Piss off go away! Doomed to defeat in order to eat, the boss wants your soul,…

I hate email

Every time I email, I feel a deep sense of betrayal, like an unicyclist with a banana stuck up his nose. I see no face, not even ink, soon I wont have to think, they will stick an electrode in my brain and we will, ‘communicate’. What a God forsaken drag modern life is? Where is flesh and bone, that…

The strange voyage of Cunningham Herbaceous

Cunningham Herbaceous lived in a vegetable marrow, Cunningham Herbaceous wished to die in Turnip. In the land of Vistapoolantidote there existed a vigilante group called the Gastric manipulators much famed for their song; ‘Always look on the bowel side of life.’ Cunning Herbaceous had hitched a lift with them from the, ‘Welcomebreak’ services on the M5 near Portbury Bristol, to…